Financial Worries – First Don’t Panic

Levels of Worry

By Leah Corbett | September 9, 2014 - 5:59 am |September 12, 2014 Financial Worries, General Worry, Panic, Self Help, Worries about Friends, Worries about health, Worries about People, Worries about the Future, Worries about the World

Don’t Let Go

By Leah Corbett | February 6, 2013 - 8:26 am |January 11, 2015 Financial Worries, General Worry, Living in the Now, Panic, Predictions, Self Help, Worries about Friends, Worries about health

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I worry about my sister. I worry about my parents. I worry about my kitten. I worry about my job. I worry about money. I worry about my boyfriend when he’s on his motorcycle. I worry about losing things I love.
Whatever the worry of the day is I always feel like I have to hold on to it in my mind or it will come true. As if my thinking about it can make it not happen. I must maintain focus on it like a security guard who endlessly travels the halls of a building or tediously stares at monitors, so that the thought doesn’t become a reality. And if I let go, if let my guard down, the evil intentions of fate might intervene and tragedy will certainly ensue. However irrational, I remain convinced that my repetitious quashing of the horrible images in my head will somehow fend off the attack of fate. I’m not sure when in the course of my life I decided I have this amazing power. Some call it “magical thinking.” So maybe when Olivia Newton John sang, “…have to believe we are magic…” I simply believed her. I was probably 12 when I first heard that, which is the ripest age to set in illogical beliefs. Now that I’m 44, (halfway grown-up) I logically I know it cannot be real. But emotionally it is as real to me as any other feeling or thought process I have.
As if this horribly burdensome power isn’t enough, it also painfully compounded with the need, well more accurately, an almost primal compulsion to worry about something. So when I think there’s nothing wrong at the moment, I begin to panic because I’m wondering what I’m missing. What is it that I have forgotten or I don’t know about yet that I should be worrying about?
Because if I don’t know what it is I’m supposed to be worrying about how could I possibly save anyone or anything with my super powers of destiny control? If I don’t think about it or think ahead to all of the things that could go wrong in the path of everyone and everything I care about then it will be my fault when the shit hits the fan. Then I get to endure the mental anguish of the loss plus the guilt, so I must not let go. Must not. Don’t let go. Can’t.
I’ve read enough forums, blogs, books and medical journals to know that I’m not alone in this plight, and that with the right counseling and commitment to working on it, these thoughts can be reduced. I am not convinced they can be 100% eliminated for one’s entire future. Who could make that claim anyhow? What I do know is that there *are* some exercises that can actually help.
First, you must take care of your physical body. And the foundation of that is sleep. Most people will tell you nutrition is first, and it kind of is, but really, if you don’t sleep well, you will make bad choices, including what to eat or not eat. So we start with sleep as our first building block in the defense to this (and most) kinds of anxiety. If you don’t sleep well, exercise is excellent, but who has the energy to workout when they’ve had a crappy sleep? So, if you ask your doctor for a sleep aid, or about holistic alternatives, it might help. I take an herbal supplement called SuperSnooze. If I remember to take it early enough, like 3 hours before bedtime, I can wake up with no grogginess. Ask your doctor if that might work for you too.
Secondly, eating the right food and on a schedule can really help. Both our body and our mind become weaker without the proper nutrition. Imagine how you’d feel if you didn’t sleep, refused to eat right (or at all) and your immune system is unable to fend off the flu. Now, you are hungry, tired, stuffy, achy and worried about everything. You would be a huge pile of horribleness. The most healthy diet I’ve found, that promotes clarity, health and energy is the raw vegan diet. Of course, most people won’t give up their meat, let alone get used to having nothing cooked or baked. A good balanced diet will include more veggies than anything. I am absolutely opposed to the all-meat or high-protein diet for several reasons. First, your body becomes laden with animal fats. Meat and fats can get stuck in your intestines for a very long time and ferment. The body will then have difficulty digesting other foods, which means lower nutrition. You may be full and functioning, but your body is nowhere near it’s highest potential. Further, diets high in protein have been shown time and time again to cause cancer and heart disease.
Third, I know everyone says this, and when you are anxious and/or depressed, the last thing you might want to do is get up and move, but – you have to. You have to get up and do anything physical. Stretch, do a few yoga poses, walk to your mailbox 4 times and back. Do anything that gets a little blood flow going. You’d be surprised how little it takes to kick up some endorphins and improve your mental state within minutes. Again, check with your doctor before starting any new diet or exercise program.
Fourth, we must know, deep down, and really own this thought, and believe it thoroughly, and I say we because you, the reader and I, the writer both need to get this: We are NOT God. We are not any kind of superior being the wields the power of fate, or destiny or has control over the actions of others in any way. To really believe we can is pure folly.Why do we think that way? Well, we probably didn’t come to this conclusion in the first place out of arrogance (as some who don’t understand us might think). We developed it over time, through countless hours of worry, guilt and the refusal to accept the unknown. This is an important point, because it is going to be uncomfortable at first, to realize that you really have no control over others, whether you lock your brain on them or not. However, once you really get this, and know there’s nothing you can do about it, it becomes a new freedom. You don’t have to worry, because it’s simply out of your control. One of my favorite Authors, Douglas Adams calls it an SEP. This is short for someone else’s problem. I like it. Not everyone’s path is my problem. Not every scenario that might suck is my problem. Only the ones that actually arise, that I myself can actually fix are my problems. And they are much fewer than our minds like to trick us in to believing. This new way of thinking is lighter, easier and much more realistic.

Shut up, Just SHUT UP!!

By Leah Corbett | November 3, 2012 - 11:44 pm |November 10, 2012 Financial Worries, General Worry, Panic, Predictions, Self Help, Worries about Friends, Worries about health, Worries about People, Worries about the Future, Worries about the World

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What if… what if… what if… what if…

My mind is racing at warp speed, asking variations on the same question with the bottom line answer being certain tragedy. What if… what if…, omg, what if this, what if that?
An hour of this goes by and I’m frazzled. My palms are sweaty, my thighs are tired like I ran a marathon, I’ve had nervous shits like 6 times, so I have no nutrition left in my body, my mouth is dry, I’m trembling, finger tips tingly, my heart is pounding, and I look like I’ve just seen a ghost. I’ve been gritting my teeth so hard they hurt like I just chewed through a swing set at the park. And why? WHY? All because my mind can NOT stop asking this question, “What if…”.

Dammit brain, would you just SHUT UP???

During this episode, did any of the “what if’s” come true? No. And because this was 3 weeks ago, has that situation played out and seen it’s tragic ending? No. Actually, nothing came of the event that I was so wiggy about, and nor did the thousands of other worst case scenarios before it.

So, in an effort to reduce my chronic suffering, I asked myself a new set of questions.

First, answer the question: What if that horrible thing did happen?

Well, I would handle it. I’d deal with it, and get through it. Nothing lasts forever.

Second, what could I have been doing other than quivering like a scared chihuahua, and chopping years off my life span?

I could have been working, napping, cleaning, exercising, reading, playing with the cat and the laser light, painting beach sunsets, etc. Anything productive, creative, fun or beneficial.

Third, does my life belong to me, or to the worry?

It’s mine, dammit! Life is for the living. I want all my time left to go toward enjoying it, not dreading it.

Lastly, what can I do next time to avoid getting caught in this whirlwind of what-if’s?

This required some investigation into how our brain works. Knowing how it works and why I started down this path is a small part of the solution. I found this article very helpful. It’s such a fascinating article, I’m now a bit distracted from my what if’s, but I know they’ll be back. I already know that part of the foundation of my asking “what if’s” is born from an earlier trauma. So if the memory has less of a hold on me from the start, maybe I don’t have to freak out about it. Now I’ve got something to research. Cool, we’re off to a good start.
The next task is to completely redirect my thoughts. Telling yourself, “just don’t think about it” is useless. And when someone says that to a person like me, (with PTSD and GAD), they are in danger of being punched in the nose. When I begin my whirlwind of what-if’s (wowi’s, for short), I need an immediate and much stronger distraction. Something big and/or very intense needs to take it’s place. So here’s what I do:

First, I leave the room I’m in, and get another view for my eyes and brain to process. I mass text a bunch of friends, “How you doin, what you up to?” I focus on waiting for their reply.
If that doesn’t redirect my mind, I begin the “live in the now exercise”. I focus on that. If my mind wanders to the “what-if’s”, I go to yet another room, or stand outside.
If no one texts back with anything distracting enough, I listen to my peace and calm affirmation and mantra MP3’s, that I recorded for myself. They really work for me a lot of the time. I focus on the meaning of each message, and breathe slowly. I usually close my eyes. I must listen to them 3 times before I am allowed to give up. That’s my self-imposed rule.
If none of this works, I grab my journal. (And yes, it’s a real notebook, made of paper. And a black ink pen. I’m not talking about blogging, and you’ll see why.) I begin to pour out my every thought and emotion. I describe how I feel, how I think things might play out, and how I feel about that. I allow myself to get angry about it. I write impossible scenarios. I get nuts on purpose. As I write more and more, I force myself to get even more angry and more ridiculous. Keep going, let it all out. Don’t filter a single thought, no matter how shitty and unjustified it is. As I become intentionally more livid and outrageous, the pen presses harder in to the page, and I write long-running tirades of colorful expletives. Now, I can’t even fit my writing on one line, or even write straight. I’ve taken up 3 pages already, like a lunatic. It’s GREAT!! I’m cursing and blaming and insulting this situation, myself, people who have nothing to do with it, commercials, politicians, whatever and whomever I please, and I continue do this until I become amused. OK, now Stop. Take a deep breath, now look back at some of the writing, mostly the last parts. Ha ha! I have now given myself a chuckle, or even laughed to tears, while effectively trivializing the whole situation. And even though those feelings of amusement and triviality are thin and weak, while the what-ifs are still just around the corner with all the power of a black hole waiting to suck me in, I hold on to them as best I can, rereading the parts of my scribble I find most amusing. It is at this point, I can almost always say, “Oh fuck it, I don’t care about that (whatever it was) anymore… it’ll be fine.” My brain has finally shut up.

Please let me know if any of this helps you – or what YOU do to redirect your thoughts. : )

Fire Them!

By Leah Corbett | April 24, 2012 - 6:16 am |April 24, 2012 Difficult People, Financial Worries, Self Help, Worries about Friends, Worries about People

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Sometimes a source of daily or occasional anxiety is a nasty client, or a non-supportive friend.

I’ve recently encountered both, and after listening to the input of true friends, and giving it much thought, I’ve decided that life is way too damn short to tolerate people who clearly do not give thought to the stress they cause others.
There are people in the world who are so busy being caught up in their own needs, they turn a minor slight or disappointment into long, whiny, one-sided complaint about tiny, petty issues. I’m sure you’ve met one or even a few in your lifetime. The problem is, most of the time, these are the type of people who do not actually want to RESOLVE an issue, but rather complain, with creative embellishments (lies) about the injustice and poor treatment they received. Somehow, even if the issue originally had a basis in truth, it becomes bigger and more tragic and more serious than reality. It is here where it takes on a life of its own, and even though you have no control over it, they blame you for this fabricated nightmare.

Then, of course, it has become an issue that simply must be discussed. “We need to talk.” is an ominous and threatening tactic, reminiscent of grade school children being called into the principal’s office. Of course, when I hear or read those words, I know that a one-sided “discussion” is about to take place, and no matter what I say, how I recount MY version of events, or the logic behind the actions that actually happened, it will not be heard. The offended party will complain until you give in, give the discount or finally agree with them, issuing a heartfelt and nauseatingly pleading apology.

Here’s my thought on that. FORGET IT, PAL!! I have enough stress in my day without this one client who will never be satisfied paying my more-than-competitive retail prices, or this one friend who has taken things out of context and turned nothing into something without asking me what it meant. In my mind, I have already fired them both. The anxiety has already begun to lift, as I ponder a life where I do not ever have to be put through that (by them) again. I’m sure I’ll come across new selfish soul-suckers again in life, but these two… off the list. I feel better already.

I’m a firm believer in getting rid of things that cause stress, strife, anxiety or sadness. My suggestion to the reader, why not find one thing in your life that triggers any form of upset, and see what you can do to phase it out of your life?

Panic and Worry Triggers

By Leah Corbett | April 18, 2012 - 4:08 am |January 22, 2013 Financial Worries, Predictions, Self Help, Worries about health, Worries about People, Worries about the World

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I have panic attacks or what I call “worry-waves” for many reasons. It feels like a sinking, sick feeling, with a dash of spinning out of control, a hint of falling 100 feet, and warm limbs. Sometimes its accompanied by flushing red on my chest and face. My mouth gets dry. My hands shake. Occasionally I feel weak and dizzy, and on extreme occasions, I can’t catch my breath and I experience chest pains.
In a word, it sucks.

Sometimes my worry wave comes on gradually, and sometimes it’s a sudden electrifying jolt. For instance, when you are up for your 1am popcorn frenzy and you see a scary face outside your window, only to realize that it’s your reflection, having forgotten to remove your makeup which has been rubbed and melted down your face and now very much resembles a cross between Alice Cooper and the Scream ghost face mask.

Some of my triggers are:

Seeing my family on latitude, in some place they aren’t supposed to be (which is almost always wrong, due to towers being inaccurate)
Reading an email, hearing a voice mail or directly listening to a pissed-off client
Learning that an expensive job has been rejected by the client, due to me/my staff error.
Going to the Dr. (for any reason)
Getting news that any family member is leaving town
Sometimes I can’t pin point exactly what or why… I just feel wiggy.

If I am able to quell my panic at all, it comes after learning that the problem has abated, and if I can’t immediately fix it, or get information that all is well, I have to have this long internal discussion with myself about how things will be ok, and no matter what, I have people in my life that will love and support me. Sometimes that works, and sometimes I just can’t shake the wiggins.

After the panic is finally gone, and there is no more threat, I can relax. Although, as with most chronic worriers, my mind turns to wondering what’s on the horizon, or even what may be horrible and tragic going on right now that I don’t yet know about. Still, even after it’s all said and done, my body responds for hours, with exhaustion, heightened sensitivity to others harsh words/tones, intolerance of criticism, jumping at loud noises, and lack of mental focus.

What triggers you? What physical symptoms do you experience? And what do you do to calm yourself?

Anxieties about Tax Time

By Leah Corbett | March 28, 2012 - 4:18 pm |April 24, 2012 Financial Worries, Self Help

Category Archives: Financial Worries